Speed Bumps

I’ve recently learned that many people who are close to me in my world, if given instruction to describe me with one word, would choose “relationship”. At first this seemed strange to me as I regularly feel this is where I am forever focusing on improvement. Then it actually hit me that it’s true;  The most important thing to me in this human journey IS relationship.

After my brother died (1992) it became powerfully clear the most important thing to me was people; not the stuff, or the things, or the shenanigans (one of my favorite words!) that can get us all tied up in life. My Mom taught me at an early age to carve out time for the people and opportunities I care about, and the death of my brother reinforced it.  “Everything else will be there when I return”, she’d say… like the dust, the dishes, the work, etc. 

One time in my early 20’s, after working a full day at my job and then teaching two dance classes, a girlfriend picked me up for dinner. On our drive to the restaurant she asked me how I did it … when did I ever get sleep. I remember answering, “I can sleep when I’m dead”.  And don’t get me wrong I do love my sleep but this was a true statement for me.

It’s an interesting contrast that relationship is so important to me and yet feels like my biggest hurdle & self-project. In that I mean self-healing and improvement.

I once heard, “never invest more than you can afford to lose”.  Apparently I am not afraid of losing because I sure do invest all of me in my relationships (and not just Love relationships, all my close relationships)….. and let me tell you, it has hurt a lot ~ numerous times!!  AND I refuse to change this about myself ~ full investment in my relationships ~ regardless of what I’ve experienced, or how I feel I’ve been treated in my past. It’s exactly this kind of friction that keeps me looking and pushing my expansion ~ I do not want that to end. I will show up no matter what ~ relationships are the key to healing. I will follow my heart and take my brain with me.

So …. Here’s an automatic writing that pertains to “relationship” that showed up for me a while back. Kind of an interesting analogy …

Any time we get out of a relationship it is always the perfect opportunity to do an autopsy on that relationship. To reflect. When we know better we do better.

We need to ask ourselves… what did I do to contribute to the demise of that relationship.

Take the time to look within. Do not run or rush nor create distraction.

If we learn anything from it then it at least becomes tuition ~ we’ve gained some education. If not, the pattern will most likely repeat itself in our next relationship because we’ve most definitely experienced that same pattern in previous relationships. Oh I know… it’s easy to distract from self; just get busy with life and pretend it was only the other’s issues. Yet, no matter how flat a pancake is, it has two sides. And one of those sides is always ours. Yep, it’s true.

Re·la·tion·ship: the way in which two or more people regard and behave toward each other. Yep it says “two”….

The Speed Bump is one of my favorite analogies of a beautiful symbiotic relationship.  It goes like this….

Life is designed with speed bumps of all sizes, especially in relationships. How we go over the speed bumps (together) and stay intact makes all the difference. In a relationship we will not always go over the speed bumps the same way, or at the same speed. I have this image… if we’re in a relationship and you go over the speed bump faster than me, will you notice I’ve stumbled, fallen behind or froze? 

The YOU part; If ‘yes’ you are aware enough to notice, will you stop and extend your hand back to help pull me over?  Will you be patient, encourage, and remain in the WE?

Then comes the ME part; can I be vulnerable and willing enough to embrace the help….do I reach my hand out and grab yours… allowing you to help support me over the speed bump?  

Yeah, I’ve had this vision for years and it makes so much sense to me – when WE are not completely in sync (and this will happen in every relationship at some point), it will require both of us to gracefully, intentionally, and with vulnerability, get over the speed bump together.  

Ok!  So then there’s going to be times when I’m the one flying over the speed bump, so I’ll need to be the one conscious, aware, and paying attention to your process in the journey.  Now I will need to take pause and reach my hand back to you… do you reach out and grab mine?… with true vulnerability? It takes two … working together. 

If one of us gets too far beyond the speed bump before considering, or even realizing, to reach our hand back and assist our partner, well, sometimes that’s where things get lost… feelings arise… a variety of disregarded, unloved, not seen, not heard, not a priority, etc etc.  And shoot ~ if you get too far ahead without even being aware your partner has fallen back, well…. you have bigger fish to fry (a.k.a. More self-work to be had!). 

Being conscious in a relationship is never allowing too big of a gap between each other when the speed bumps show up … never more than an arm’s length away.  How do you measure up in partnership?  It comes back to the basics of self-acceptance… acceptance will get you through to the other side.  You just like me, me just like you… WE are going to stumble, freeze, become scared or confused.  Accepting this in each other will open up compassion and unconditional love.  Once there is acceptance, you bring peace and change to your energy, and from there anything you create with the person you love is possible.

So get out there, hit those speed bumps, show up, and stay intact.  Heck, life is so much better when we’re in it together, yes?!

Big love. ♥

Related Posts

I’m Homeless

I’m Homeless

I am dirty. I am without free access to food. I smell. I am a nomad. My hair is disheveled with neglect. I am mentally unstable. I am unpredictable. I am rugged. I am resilient. I am a master of adversity. I am creative. I am resourceful. I am living by choice. I am…

Two Kinds of People

Two Kinds of People

Lately I’ve been hearing and reading about the different labels we like to toss out there about each other. Regardless of topic; political, spiritual, corporate, relationship, etc. It seems people are very easily put into categories or given labels… as if there’s limited types of people in the world.

Coping Mechanisms

Coping Mechanisms

“Dad, I hate you. I wish you’d divorce Mom so I never have to live with you again”. When you hear these words fly out of your mouth like a slow echo through a dark tunnel, you know something is seriously messed up.