Crooked Souls

Boy this hit me like a brick on the head.

There’ve been a couple tough situations in my life that required me to sort and sift through deep emotional wounds that seemed to be void of closure… as so poignantly stated in the above quote.

Now I can reflect and recognize the strength within me… the reason I invited such an experience in my life. To gain a deeper connection to myself and others. To recognize others’ wounds behind their hurtful actions.

‘Hurt people hurt people.’

I’ve repeatedly had to regain my footing, self-worth, and self-love.

BUT it’s a slippery slope.

Some days those wounds get ripped wide open… like pulling a band-aid. It could be a song, a conversation, a comment, you name it. If any of you relate to being highly sensitive, you for sure get this.

It feels like there you are swimming in the raw emotions again… for me it feels more like the doggy paddle… just keeping my head above water. It can present as tears, sadness, that rigid knot in your stomach, a sharp tongue, or anger. Regardless ~ it feels real. And in observation of myself, quite annoying!

Even though I recognize the old thoughts, memories and feelings, I have realized the benefit of letting it all in. Temporarily. So I can experience it and name it. It is speaking to me.. showing me something that needs to be released and healed. Then I can take a breath. Or a thousand. And begin to return to the now.

It’s this practice that results in a speedy refractory period!

As feminine energy I also understand I may need to discuss such hurt numerous times until I feel I’ve been heard, and have completed my process. Have you ever noticed that it’s often difficult to have someone be witness to said flashback and hold space for you? No one likes being in space that is anything other than the “bright side”. Kinda strange as we are here to experience the full emotional spectrum of being human. It’s usually a hang-up within their story that prevents the container for them to be in the process of your healing.

Often my experience is the reaction of deflection; let’s push it away, lighten up, change the subject. Avoidance. That’s what I call it. This is a tricky place that can cause deeper hurt, suppression, and possibly resentment. I also know that it can take a few u-turns back to a situation to unearth and unwind ALL the parts that were wounded. It’s not always a one-trick pony but the payoff always comes.

It requires pausing, feeling, investigating, inquiring, sharing, and releasing so we can truly arrive at the healing. Hey, I’m kinda known to be an endless optimist but I am seriously embracing the need to sit with whatever arises long enough to let it be recognized. Then I’m happy to get back on the uplifted-energy train and lay some new tracks; new perspectives, new energy, new boundaries.

I also know I don’t do well when I get external push-back about how I need to ‘fix’ it, or just ‘lighten up’. Trust me, I’ll get there, but this reaction only thickens the already crappy moment (day) I’m standing in.

It’s often a path alone, but any external compassion and empathy is a beautiful offering that can mean more to the wounded heart than one could imagine. We can all relate to a crappy day or moment!

A dear girlfriend who’s been standing in her own muck recently shared this with me;
“You have kept me going girl friend! I think of you all the time! I admire your strength, your courage and your HUGE heart. It is something to be proud of.”

My heart melted, I felt seen, heard, and loved. I cried.

Sometimes this is all it takes. Can we offer this when we see our loved ones in pain? Not always as easy as you think huh… we can get so wrapped up in our own ‘selves’ to hardly recognize the other.. and what they are needing.

I know some shake-off and heal their wounds faster than others. Because I feel everything around me ~it’s apparently the contract I signed up for in this life~ some days can be tricky. My refractory period has improved immensely though!

So I say be OK in whatever process is required for you to recover and heal those emotional wounds. We all have our own divine timing, I could not know yours.

What I do know is being OK with what arises so you can feel it in the body, recognize it, and name it. This is the clearest way to set it free. The only way out is through. None of us are exempt from pain in this world. I do recommend discerning how LONG you stay in the wobbly emotions. Too much living to do ~ too much life to create!

Most importantly, give yourself the love that is your birthright, the space you deserve in this world, and the appreciation to your body for the amazing abilities it offers you day after day. We are all crooked souls trying to stay up straight.

By casting out Love and leaning on each other a little more, we can co-create a smoother healing process… apology or not.

Big Love 🖤

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