Here I sit… on the end of a treadmill that has no home. Yet.
The past is dismantled. Boxed. Packed. Moving out the door.
The future is not assembled. Yet.
I am moving my small business of almost sixteen years. What do I feel? Pause… reflect.
I feel no extremes. I do not feel fear, I do not feel stress, I’m not anxious or super excited, I am in that zero point field, the one that stays above the fray. Or maybe I’m just numb. Regardless.. there is only THIS.
….And I do not feel alone. Yet, I am alone. Well, except for these two amazing professional movers that are assisting me to ‘take the fork in the road’. I am alone, and so not alone. My inner light has regained it’s access point. I’m in my glow… the one that shines my worth, my knowing, my care and love for all that is close to my heart. The people, the places, the circumstances. Though I do not say this lightly. It has been tough… I mean excruciatingly tough. There was one day in particular where I seriously asked ‘why am I even on this planet.!?!’ And then a new day arrived and I remembered. I signed up for ALL of THIS, every ounce of my life. I also know I have more work ahead of me…
Here I sit. In the void. It’s that space in-between. I could let the day curl into a question mark.
I stare off for a minute then I crack a smile… I am going to choose an exclamation mark…. to have robust trusting faith in the choices I’ve made. The ones that honor my needs, highest self, my soul. Oh, and then in floods the gratitude.
Gratitude… the gratitude is what carved it in deep that I Am. Not. Alone. The winding path to this fork in the road would not have been made possible without all the incredibly helpful people. It has filled my heart right down to the very bottom tip. I’ve never felt so supported, so seen, so loved and appreciated. It held me in THIS…
We are sliding into times that resound community and collaboration. I am delightfully surprised in circles forming that are solid, authentic, and have arms wide open welcoming others. It is here where we stay above the fray… rely on, count on, depend on each other.
Doing what is right, not what’s easy or what feeds the ego… Making a decision and making the decision right… Staying seated in my truth and my needs… Forging forward, blazing the trail with no open meadow in sight… Feeling my heart inflate and sigh out with each passing breath. At the moment, there is only THIS….
Tough decisions have been made and long physical days endured. My mental optimism was pushed to its edge. Many tears of overwhelm were shed. Somehow, without fail, a voice would chime in. The profound sensation that my soul was making its voice known… I am HERE!
The message was made clear. I thought I had a map, visual clues, landmarks, and support systems that would navigate me in a desired direction. When the fog becomes so dense and encompassing from all angles, these tools become worthless. It was the light of my soul… the illumination from within that lit the way. I had it all along. The inner light that always knows. If I cast my light in a wide enough circumference it might even offer brightness and comfort to others who also need support through the fog.
We are all feeling the exhaustion, in some realm it is leaking into all of our lives. What is being asked of us now is stamina. Personal resilience and a sense of belief. Can we stay determined with faith as we point a straight line through the doubt? It is not a time to be passive. Think proactive rather than reactive. Inspire others… help point the way. Open your mind and heart to something dramatically different. Be willing to release the grip from a familiar shore and drift out to the waters of what could be. What is it you desire to create? Who do you see drifting out there alongside you?
On the days I feel unknown and helpless, I wriggle and squirm but I inevitably rise. I bless the old familiar shores that were once comfortable and known. I flow in the currents that take me to a higher awareness that will impact all areas of my life. New energy, new opportunities, new people, new places, new circumstances, new growth, new perspectives, new attitudes…. This is not to say everything in my life needs to change to all ‘new’, but the energies are asking us to create lasting, productive change on a personal scale. Regardless of a decision it will involve change. So I am planting seeds for a whole new paradigm. And did I mention how tough it has been? Oh yes, and scary at times too… more than you know. It is not one day at a time, it is one minute at a time! Choosing over and over again to allow my heart to lead… to keep smiling and trusting.
So do not fear the work, the heavy days, the emotional pull to old behaviors that are no longer serving you. It is false. Separating ourselves from our past mistakes can be an emotional experience. We are often reluctant to let go of obstacles in our lives. These are energy leaks that keep us from our inner light, our creative and loving selves. I am not saying it is easy. It is necessary. It is where the work is. Give up the complaining and whining. Ego cannot move mountains. Be the one who provides support and inspires others. “Be the change you want to see in the world”. Gandhi was on to something…
It’s time to do our part to support this transformation. Do not throw in the towel. Yet.
Conventional tools and money are not needed for this change. It is your light that is being beckoned… your inner light. See the world, the people, places, circumstances in your life, as you would like to see it. It’s time to create it.. See it with love in your heart. What it WILL cost is your old viewpoints, conditioned beliefs, patterns and thoughts. You will be joined by many others. How will you know? You will sense the change and feel their presence adrift next to you.
There is only THIS…
Here I sit. Drifting.
I am not alone.
We are Never. Alone.
Big Love 🖤
***Update!…. An hour after this automatic writing dropped, the treadmill got a home! All in divine timing! 🙏✨ Reminder… do not give up one second before the miracle arrives!
The body… the emotional body. We cannot slide out of it. It’s part of all THIS experience. So often, probably more often than I’d like, I get a rush of emotions, energy, currents that take over all my senses.
I had a conversation with a dear wise friend a while back regarding the heavy energy lingering in the atmosphere. She wanted to connect with a human to process the emotion called Sadness.
I received the most astounding beautiful message today. In every cell of my being and beat of my heart, I know it is for ALL women out there.