Riding Shotgun

I recently watched the newest episode of Modern Love, Season 2; ‘On a Serpentine Road, With the Top Down’. I highly recommend it! It’s an Amazon original series.

 Not to give it all away, but as Minnie Driver is serpentining down a beautiful scenic road, alone, you can see her in fluent conversation with herself. The moment I saw this I knew. I knew what she was doing. I’ve done it hundreds, maybe thousands of times myself. She was having a conversation with her deceased ex-husband. Only in my case it’s not my ex-husband, it’s my brother.

I’ve succumbed to the notion of not looking for our transitioned loved ones where we ‘want’ them to be, or when we’re sad. They will never be ‘there’, and will never reveal themselves within those emotions ~ souls that have transitioned on do not vibrate at those lower energies. We have to meet them on the higher realms. When our energy is light, free, and joyful.

Somehow my brother DeNeal managed to make his way into riding shotgun in my truck. I experienced this shortly after he left the physical planet. One day when I was driving and singing along with the songs blasting in my truck, I felt him. I just knew he was there. It was kinda cool. I still often find myself, out of nowhere, looking over at the passenger seat smiling, and then crying with laughing tears. Then we chat and I gain energetic insight. I know, half of you find this strange but I just don’t question it because I can sense it in my bones. He’s so clear in his support and messages. Not sure what you believe but I absolutely learned through his death that the energy within our human vessel lives on.

I think he rides in my 4Runner with me because when he died I had a pretty fun & tough Toyota Tacoma that he loved. Through that truck he offered me a very beautiful lesson about allowing others to help us and express their gratitude. So maybe this is why he rides with me sometimes. So much about his death has been a blessing ~ it has lifted me to who I am, how I see the world around me, and the forever self-growth I strive for daily.

My brother DeNeal loved my truck so much I would let him take it out for drives… to pick up a friend, go to a movie, whatever. It felt so good to share my truck with him and be of service, especially since I knew how much he loved it.

One weekend he asked me if he could wash my truck. I found this to be the strangest request. Why would he want to do that? He said he wanted to wash it for me since I had let him drive it a few times. I told him no, it was ok, he didn’t need to wash my truck. That I let him drive it because I wanted to and he didn’t owe me anything. Well… I sure did learn this lesson!!!

The next week in therapy I brought up the conversation I had with my brother to my therapist. I remember telling my therapist how I thought that was strange and funny, and I laughed it off. ‘My brother didn’t owe me anything’ I reiterated. Here’s what I learned during that one, oh so many million, therapy sessions ago ~

I love giving! Giving without any expectation of return. It truly gives me joy. Truth of the matter is, most of us are way better at giving than we are receiving. I naturally operate off the belief that if I offer assistance or help to someone that I don’t find it necessary for them to repay me. I only ever do things because ‘I want to’, and it feels wonderful to be of help. But god-forbid we ever need someone to do something for US, or actually HELP us. That would be a weakness, right?!

Through this particular therapy session I was given the insight that if we are always helping and doing for others and never allowing others to give and help in return, then we are creating the perfect breeding ground for resentment. Take a minute… if someone is always helping you and you never get the opportunity to help them back, or experience them ‘ask you’ for help, then there’s a subconscious message that shouts out, “they are better than you”.

Just saying, conscious or unconscious, it creeps in there. And I don’t mean this in the literal way ‘they are better than you’, but in the way that if someone doesn’t ask for help then they appear to always have everything ‘handled’ and ‘in control’. We’ve all experienced someone like this. Well, at least I believe many of us have. I know I have. It took me a while to figure it out and name it but it all makes more sense to me now.

Asking for help and/or allowing someone to do something nice for you as a token of appreciation is a far cry from weakness… I strongly believe the opposite. When someone is tough enough to ask me for help I know they are authentic. I feel they have put down their guard and are willing to let me see them. I feel a better connection with them. I can see myself in them. And we all really are the same… when you get down to the nitty gritty. Anyway.. Back on track…

The world functions in oppositions… you can’t know day without night, summer without winter, sunshine without stormy skies. How can you truly know giving without receiving? We may think we’re being strong by refusing help but that only highlights our insecurities and puts space between us, and our circle of friends and family, who genuinely want to be of service.

When we ask for help and allow others to give back they feel important… they feel needed. Don’t you feel important and needed when someone you care about asks you for help? Yep! Others feel this too… So offer it up! Life will eventually overwhelm you and force you out of your silo of ‘self-reliance’ and remind you .. we need each other.

What is your story ~ do you struggle to accept help? Do you find giving or receiving easier? And how can you begin to let people into your authentic self and release the grip of control?

Time to drop the ego… be vulnerable… next time you feel overwhelmed, tired, stressed, exhausted… ask for help. Even if it’s just an ear to listen. If you don’t receive well you stop the flow of love. It can be uncomfortable to receive, we can feel embarrassed, not important enough, on and on. But in order to give there must be a receiver. Receiving is often less about filling a need, and more about building a relationship. When we have arms wide open, free to give and free to receive, all of life becomes a gift.

I recently had an opportunity to ‘receive’. When originally asked if I would like this offering it landed in a vacuum of nothingness. It took a minute (maybe five!) to squeeze out an uncomfortable ‘yes’.

During the experience I really had to focus on releasing all tension in my body and acquiesce to the energy that was being extended to me… freely. Trusting there would be no lingering intention, you know, the kind that will come back at you somewhere down the line… and we all know what that looks like…. But I gave in and fully trusted the intention of this giving was being offered in the truest sense of freedom, support, and Love.

For the first time I feel I authentically embraced this act of receiving. It was a beautiful, energetic experience… one that I will carry with me and visit often. I was filled with gratitude.

So thank you, DeNeal, for giving me the teaching of receiving. My arms are wide open… I embrace life as a gift. Let’s crank the music and go for a beautiful scenic drive… you buckled in the passenger seat next to me. I am ready to receive!!!

Big Love 🖤

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